I mentioned the terrible effects of Dad’s death: the trauma of his sudden loss, his painful absence in the lives of those who loved him. I also mentioned the positive effects: the refreshed importance of family, the appreciation of mortality, the maturation and taking on of responsibility you and I underwent.

So, I asked them, did Dad die for a reason? Was it part of a cosmic/theological plan that we should gain those positive effects? Or was his death a random event, and the positive effects simply a way of blunting the effect of the blow and moving on?

Was the effect of Dad’s death the cause? That question has them ready for Theodicy, Candide, and The Book of Job.

It was weird using Dad’s death as a pedagogical device, but isn’t that about the only way to make death palatable? I think he would have appreciated being able to educate even after death.

In the years since leaving home to go to school, I, the youngest, have realized how very, very much my mother needs tools, dinners, and technologies. She wouldn’t say she does, of course, nor would she ever imply that I’ve failed on these counts. This weekend I went home, for the first time in a long time, and got in much later than anticipated on a Sunday night. It was 1am by the time I pulled into the driveway. There was a fresh pizza in the oven, and she tried to act like she’d made it for herself.

I wanted to stay up forever and never sleep again.