I’m giving up candy. This isn’t a particularly big deal, in that I didn’t eat much to begin with. But it will be hard, since sometimes a Butterfinger tastes so good I get woozy.
But my diet is shit, and I know that. Short on good protein, short on fruits and vegetables. Heavy on boxed and prepackaged foods, high fructose corn syrup, and other refined sugar. My biggest vice, by far, is salt, but since I have low blood pressure anyway, I’m not particularly concerned.
Still, especially around Halloween, my candy consumption tends to go up. Starting about mid-October, there’s a giant bowl of it by the front door, and by the time the 31st rolls around, it’s weathered my constant craving for peanut-based treats, to the extent that it has been depleted by about 50%.
So, it’s time to get (somewhat) serious about my diet. Since goodness knows I can’t stick to any substantial changes in habit, I’ll start small, which means forsaking all candy, short of, for instance, chocolates on extremely isolated occasions. But anything that says “Fun Sized!” on it, for instance, has to go. Gobstoppers, too. No more coating my teeth with sugar. Sigh.
From there, we’ll see. Maybe this will fail. Maybe, by Christmas, my parents will find my in my room, porcine and prostrate in a wide swath of greasy brown papers, the remnants of a peanut butter cup binge smeared on my cheeks. We’ll see.
But no one, and I mean no one, is taking my coffee from me.