Because I’m extremely busy and don’t have time for any long dissertations, I’ll comment briefly upon today’s articles on CNN.

Women make up nearly half of the 37.2 million adults living with HIV and in sub-Saharan Africa the proportion rises to almost 60 percent, according to a U.N. report released on Tuesday. [link]

What? Why is this surprising? Women account for a little over half of the world’s population. It’s a surprise that they aren’t disproportionately affected by a sexually transmitted disease?

A woman with a history of postpartum depression cut the arms off her baby girl who later died, authorities said.

“Exactly what happened?” the 911 operator asked.

“I cut her arms off,” Schlosser replied, as the hymn “He Touched Me” played in the background. [link]

“He touched me, Oh He touched me,
And oh the joy that floods my soul!
Something happened and now I know,
He touched me and made me whole.”

A woman who said her 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich bore the image of the Virgin Mary will be getting a lot more bread after the item sold for $28,000 on eBay.

GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, confirmed that it placed the winning bid, and company executives said they were willing to spend “as much as it took” to own the 10-year-old half-sandwich with a bite out of it. [link]

I’m honestly surprised. I figured it’d go to some hardcore Catholic with screwdriver stigmata. Personally, I think it would be funny if somebody ate the sandwhich. “Mmm, that’s good mother of God.”

On the eve of the release of its new album, the rock band U2 surprised fans Monday with performances throughout New York City, culminating in a 45-minute concert in Brooklyn in the late afternoon. [link]

My brother would hate me for saying this, but Bono needs to stop making such mediocre music and parading around like Mother Theresa because he likes world peace. Go back to Ireland, you off-key bastard!

§447 · November 23, 2004 · ·

5 Comments to “In the news today”

  1. Andy says:

    U2 sucks pretentious donkeys. Bono looks more like Mork every day. And can someone tell me why he begins their new song by saying, ‘Ones, two, three, fourteen’ (literal English translation)?

  2. Ben says:

    Allison wonders that very same thing aloud every time the piece of crap comes on TV/radio. He’s either speaking bad Spanish (he’s a loser), or he’s doing it on purpose (he’s a pretentious loser).

  3. Jeff says:

    Exactly how is this the virgin Mary? I don’t understand some people.

  4. Ben says:

    Yesterday, I took a dump, and it looked like St. Michael. Actually, it just vaguely resembled a human face, but I figure maybe I should save it, SAY it’s St. Michael, and get someone to pay me several thousand dollars for the honor of buying my poop in a jar.

  5. ffanatic says:

    While I agree that U2 suck, they say fourteen because it’s their fourteenth album.

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