With one day left before the presidential election, I stop and reflect upon the carnival that is the last four years, leading up to tomorrow’s grand finale.

  • November 7nd, 2000 • Every news network in America bumbles up, reporting solid wins based on hearsay and scuttlebutt. You thought that with the advent of realtime communication, none of this “Dewey Defeats Truman” crap would happen again, hunh? Americans are very confused. I go to sleep.
  • November 8rd, 2000 • Instead of being sorted out by the next morning, the heat is still pressing as ever. It seems that there’s a big to-do in Florida, and nobody’s sure who won that state. The networks scuttle away with their tails between their legs.
  • November 11th, 2000 • The Bush team seeks to stop hand recounts in strongly democratic counties in Florida. Repeat. Cue Benny Hill saxophone music.
  • December 13th, 2000 • After a soulcrushing bombardment of legal action and court hearings, Gore concedes the election to Bush. Bush makes his first lie as president-elect, namely, that he will “deliver reconciliation and unity to a divided nation.”
  • January 20th, 2001 • George W. Bush is sworn in as the 43rd president of America. Protestors egg his limo. Somewhere, God kills a kitten.
  • March, 2001 • The Bush recession begins, according to the NBER. Not to be deterred by “facts,” the right-wingers lie.
  • May 8th, 2001 • Ignoring the recommendations of the Hart-Rudman Commission, Bush proposes a National Security Council led by Vice President Cheney. The following is a list of dates on which the council met:
  • August 6th, 2001 • CIA director George Tenet delivers a report to the president entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” Bush continues to chase down armadillos. Perhaps it wasn’t worded strongly enough. If you’ll notice, it doesn’t contain the words “terrorist,” “weapons of mass destruction,” “nuclear,” “death,” “imminent,” “threat,” or “Saddam Hussein.”
  • September 11th, 2001 • Terrorists attack the World Trade Center. Bush, after leaving the elementary school where he was reading with children, shows genuine leadership (according to counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke). Cue Chopin’s “Funeral March.”
  • September 12th, 2001 • Bush asks Clarke to tie the WTC attacks to Iraq. If you’ll notice, this is going to become a theme. God kills some small children. Cue Benny Hill music again.
  • September 14th, 2001 • Congress authorises Bush to use any necessary military force again the perpetrators of the attacks. They probably should have known better: giving Bush carte blanche with the military is like handing your credit card to a teenage girl. Actually, we more or less did that, too.
  • September 15th, 2002 • Bush says, “If [bin Laden] thinks he can hide and run from the United States and our allies, he will be sorely mistaken.” At this point, Bush is practicing his insincerity in front of a mirror.
  • March 13th, 2003 • Bush says “[bin Laden is] a person who’s now been marginalized—. I just don’t spend that much time on him—. I truly am not that concerned about him.” Note that bin Laden has not actually been killed or captured. Bush’s “get tough” policy on terrorists only applies to people who “tried to kill [his] daddy.”
  • March 19th, 2003 • Bush declares war on Iraq. At the time, it was because Iraq was harbouring Weapons of Mass Destruction. Later, it would be to liberate Iraq from a brutal dictator. If by “liberate” you mean “kill.”
  • June 17th, 2003 • The League of Conservation Voters gives Bush’s environmental policies an F. Bush responded that he didn’t care because he got those all the time in college.
  • February 10th, 2004 • In response to heated inquiries about his National Guard service, the White House releases a slew of documents that either vindicate him or damn him, depending on whether or not you live in George’s fantasy world. This will become a major sore spot of his reelection campaign, especially when you consider that his major strategy was undermining his opponent’s decorated and corroborated military service.
  • September 2nd, 2004 • At the Republican National Convention, all the keynote speakers mention weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein, and terrorism. They don’t mention bin Laden. Note that by this point, both Iraq’s supposed stock of WMDs and ties to Al Qaeda have both been refuted by the 9/11 Commission. The GOP repeats it, regardless. What troopers.
  • September 30th, 2004 • Bush debates challenger Kerry in the first of three debates. Both pretty much stick to their sound bytes, but Kerry wins on style points. Bush slouches and looks surly. I can only imagine what it would have been like if he was debating Michael Moore.
  • November 2nd, 2004 • I’m keeping my finger crossed.
§430 · November 1, 2004 · Tags: , ·

2 Comments to “A look back”

  1. Jeff says:

    That’s League of Conservation Voters. Good post, though.

Leave a Reply